


choose your own adventure: this time theres no yeti

by MysteryOceans



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Irony, Multi, Other, Vore, horny john?, reader dies in one of the endings, this is a whole ass joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryOceans/pseuds/MysteryOceans
Summary: when you read this your third ass opens





	1. three options

**Author's Note:**

> my girlfriend helped me write this

Your e sitting on eth communititty couch as jade and john approuxh u. Jade bounces over to zou with her badonkahonkerlonkadinkles and pouts at you like a dawg. ``ehy [name] would u like to fgo tot the woter park with me?``, she asked while her humpaskumpaflippidydoos bounced like a 3d baloon animetad by the finest art collge students, `` theres a new attracttion! It could be fun.`` she looks away like she doesnt even want you to come. Sometimes she really acts like an tsunderay. Its cute but you remember she once decapitated your brother with just her teeth. Which you admit, was kind of hot.

John hears jade say that and immediatly pouts his white twink lips, `` but me and [name] havent hung out since *stuff*. I really wanted to play the new super dunk brahs with them!`` You notice he also winks at u and shows u that he got big bag of doink in his hands. You ve smoked a donker before but you didnt like it bc it bad. Mayeb it would be better with y`our best brah?

You suddenly remember karkat wanted to talk to you on the roof of the metero. You heard there was going to be dream bubbles floating around you but not colliding, which is always good. The dream bunbles have the best colours and you think karkat wanted to talk to you about somethings importante. It almost felt like he was going yto kisns you last time you talkethed. Actua;;u it felt like he was going to eat you more than kis u

>>>>go wit jade? (page 2

>>>>go with johney? (3

>>>> wait for karnkat on the roof? (5


	2. a vorey nice dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karkats eats ur ass

YoU apollo gize to the others and make u r way up to the woof where akrkat s waiting 4 yu. It's funny you mentuion the wookf caubercakuse you cant stop thingking about jades “woofers” tight about now… hopefully youdl be out and about after this and have more free time to see hers.

Kakrats tsaning there in a full on taxidermlydo. Hes watching u eyefully while u make ur way to the tabble. U honestley didnt ecpxevt him to dress up so much so you didnt dress up at all. U are nakeyd. ``nice`` he says and licke he lip[s.

U sit down on the table, whole [pussy/dick up to you bayebei], and he fucken sits right nexct t oyouy. ``[name] ive been in love with ur taste ever since i dreamt avoyt woring you last fingers in my ass sunday`` he says liek a lil bipch 

“With you fingets in his ass sunday feels linke fingers in *our* ass sunday! Please join me in whole ass munchremony” he says with a hungry look in his eyes. You barely get your out your responce as he starts to gramb your big juickey ass. Tour thrusht itno tihis onplen mouth and he gugrnles.

He eat u. Tha ned

``snoope dogy dog`` he says

Proloughe: jade walks up[ tp the roof. “Hey [name] are you dtf?”. She is wearing a swatign suit and she is has a big tail. Her ears spin around until she sees akarkat sitting alonge with a you shaped shape insido himf. Ywhay tifd you di\?o? Shes ays with a green lightnignd coming out ogf her eyes. Her honkawonkaflippados just go all over the dogdamn place asnf karkay sayasy “ada,m: befeorse she /tp top half of karkat


	3. short and sweet (thats what john calls his peener)

``yay!`` he says like a gay ass tiwnk whos immensly thirtsy but acts like he isnt. He is.

His cold hands grab ur worm hands (yah) and he takes you to his rrom. He dims the lighhts and turns on the vidya gaem. Its called super bunk brahs. Hoenstkly it sounds like a some buff ass dudes who are also werewolves that sleep under ya bunk bed r gonna gang namg u on th e highway. Fun. 

He puts the dunb fucnken gaym into ur nintendong 69 and gues what. Geuss fucking Waht. its a fcuekn porne

“Well this kush wont puff itself” he says with a hearty wink, as he ov\fers a bushhel of the nasty green stuff. You take a huge bite of the wacky tabacki and suddenfel y you start to see oesome fukingk wack shit as 6you are totally high dude,. “[Name] are you gonna finish that ? he sayts” john. Huou pass him the stick and he puts in into the grinder. O”oh a connesuer” you say as he sprinkles the shavinngs into his tnoese. “God am i fucking horny. Also yes” he says in repsplonsse/. ``im not homersensual but id like to homosfuck with you.`` he says thirsltly. 

You totally “throw down” on the sack. The end 

 

 

he toucha ya dick. conga rats u hand sexo:


	4. the 8008135 chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whats better than this. just anime tiddies being balloons

Jade jumped hunkalonkerliciously as her tibs tibbied off of her body. She instantly changed into a swimsuit and suddenly you are too. Her swamsuit was grenk and fit her bubbely personalty perfectly. Literally. T`had greenishe bubbles flowing out of it. It kind of felt like soap on ure skin. ``rad innit?``, she said while holding ur hand and tping u to the water parnk.

Jade really is a true gamer. Unlike the noobe plebian that you are. 

She sees the new ride which is a disgusting muastard yellown colour. It kind of reminds you of the song ``fingers in his ass`` whihc isnt really a song. Its more of an expierence. It tells the tale of one person waringing everyone about kanye, who likes fingers in his ass, and that they shouldnt make mashups with him. You think Kanye, who likes it in his booty, couldnt ccare less about some losers opinion who uses undertale music to prove his points but you care. You care immensly.

After youve thopught oabout the song for far too many minutes you snap back into reality and see jade tped you to the top of the musatrnd slide. ``look how far up we are!`` as she says her swemsuite keeps producing slimy buubbles. ``hey, [ur bitcj name]!``, her pose goes tsunere,`` weve been hanging out a lot lately`` true. You think shes really cute and wouldnt mind her bitting of your legs. In a non sexual way ofc. N o homo as the ancient proverb goes. ``i really like you! But dotnt get the wrong idea!`` she say it and pushes u fwhile blushing like an anime girl whos wig just been snatcheted. Her binkadinkagonkahinkydinks accidently push you much hardner and, bc theres fucking soap on the florr, u fucking fall like a bich.

As ur falling jade screams a noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  
U honestly hope shed just use her gosh didly dern tp powers but whatever ur fate has something else in mind for u

U crakc ur skull on the sidewalk. Didnt even get to ride the fucking slide. F

 

At ur funerall only jade and karkat are there. John s a hear borkne loser who didn t want to go after u betrayed him by not playin super hunk bros with him. Which honestly sounds like a very gay game. Because it was. Karkat is krying like a lil bipch, ``i never got to tell them how dilicious they were in my dreams!`` jade doesnt cry bc guess what! Shes a fucking dog now! Fuck you!

**Author's Note:**

> page 2 is jades route  
> page 3 is karcats  
> page for is jon


End file.
